Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Shedding the skin

The snake is in a very vulnerable state when it is going through the process of shedding its skin..It knows that if a predator finds it, then there is no escape from the clutches of death.You might be wondering what am i gonna say and where am i going with this.
The thing is that i never gave much thought to it till my husband told me this when i was in a very vulnerable state.A state where i am shedding lot of my assumptions..my mental baggage's n i am in a state where sometimes i don't know what i am feeling and how to respond to other people..n yes i am being misinterpreted..misunderstood and i was feeling very frustrated about this and it's in this contact that my husband told me about the shedding of skin by the snake.
And that's how nature work's and in life if you want to grow as a human being you have to take the risks like the snake ..being aware of it and still going through it..
It's a different thing to do something without the knowledge of the risks..but a totally different thing to be aware of it and then take it through...
And for me its about becoming aware that, yes, i am vulnerable at this moment when i am going through some major turmoils..and changes..and to take life as it comes..take things lightly...not to be harsh on myself and others around me...[ i don't know if the snake thinks all this :)..]..but i try to be aware of this..thanks ram..

Give it thought...if you too are feeling the same...

Monday, December 27, 2010

Work with Hands..

Its been a while since I have started weaving..
It all started when I attended a conference in Bangalore in the year 2006. The conference was hosted by a school called Center for Learning( CFL)and the conference was on 'Educating for a sane society'. I wonder whether they could come up with something or not after the conference..but..I had definitely become more sane so to say.
And the whole thing is that I started doing things with my hands.. I haven't like become potter..weaver..but have done few things which I keep doing by taking workshops for children..n every time, we( that is me n children) make something new..:)
Few things that I have been doing are ..
News paper weaving
News paper collage
News paper beads
Palm weaving- birds,fish,start,braids,boxes,cubes
Thread work-braids,knots,figures from thread..thread coiling

If you wants me to come n share what I have learned with yourself or the kids around you..call me..I'd love to..but I prefer having only 5-7 children at one time...
Also if you know someone in Bangalore who can teach me more..please do tell me..I have been doing weaving on a small board but I'd love to learn weaving on a real loom...
so do tell me..
















Thursday, December 16, 2010

A New Beginning....


Last Friday,10th December 2010,I attended an art education conference at NGMA,Bangalore. Hosted by Goethe-Institute/Max Mueller Bhavan and India Foundation for the Arts (IFA).

The conference was for 2 days and had amazing speakers from all over the country.Most of them were artists who have ventured into the field of education conducting workshops for children,teenagers, students, parents and teachers of course.the discussions ranged from what is art education to how can it be brought into the school system to how schools systems are a hindrance to learning and art education should lead to a kind of learning which will lead to critical thinking and bring changes in the existing system of education.
Personally for me, the Presentation by Mrs.Deborah from Dakshinachitra, Chennai, had the greatest impact.
There were two chain of thoughts that started for me after the conference.
First, whether we are talking about art education as an experience to bringing sensitivity within the child and adult or just another subject( activity based) in the existing system.
Second, If art education meant finding a new perspective/ method/ approach to learning all the existing subjects through the incorporation of studying one particular art form.

For me the first point lead to further questions and explorations such as:
If we are looking at getting art education as an experience to sensitize then how are we going to incorporate it in all schools. Because the Kali- Kalisu training was only for maximum of 15 days. And it is impossible for teachers who have never worked with materials to become sensitive to the way arts experience should be for the children in such short period of time.
And if we are looking at it as another subject then i feel it would become another activity and the deeper feel for the material ,the understanding of it as something that is necessary for a holistic development of a child is lost.

Second point about looking at incorporating arts education that leads to another whole different way of learning in the school. I was mulling over this and the following week I visited a school run by an NGO Parikrama in Jaynagar. We had beautiful interaction with the kids and the founder person Shukla Bose. In our interaction she mentioned about Heritage education for her schools and that she is looking at a complete education which leads on to/ opens up newer careers, giveS the children a choice to pursue their passion as well as have a career if they choose arts.

After this interaction my mind just went into a whirlpool of questions and all that i was thinking about in past few days started looking very different for me.I started reading about what is heritage study, what does it all comprise of, surfed the net and
having a feel for crafts and weaving , my mind went on a frenzy to find out if i personally could learn or do some study which will help me gain experience about some components of arts education(which for me includes visual arts, performing arts, and lots more..) and not just that but the traditional and contemporary and then the cultural aspect, social structure, economics of a particular art..etc..
I felt there can be a whole new curriculum for children, for all the different age groups and it would not only teach them about that particular art form but also other things such as, the materials( which has study of science) buying the materials( economics- maths), and the study of the people practicing the art or craft ( social study)..the sky is the limit....
Presently thanks to a good frnd I am studying a concept note on heritage crafts in school curriculum by NCERT...doing my own study.

I have thought about talking to a few senior artists I know and take their advice about how I should pursue this further. I am passionate about working with children and connecting them with the craft community. Hence am thinking of doing a personal project for next year, where :
I study about the various aspects of heritage craft
Collect books and articles about different craft communities
Collect films/ documentaries or make new ones on atleast 5 craft communities
Learn different crafts on my own and document my process

I know that lots has been already done by lots of people ..i just want to explore and get it all together.
considering the vastness of areas of study within heritage crafts..for now have decided to stick to material heritage( that is handcrafts from natural material).But dunno what can happen during the course of study....

That's the new beginning i am talking about...n if anyone of u have suggestions and directions for me..people whom i can meet..anything..please please do write to me.

I am so excited...loved to share it with you..thank you for reading it...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Kabir in my life...


Thanks to a dear friend of mine..i sat down to write about how i felt about kabir and his beautiful words...in my life..thanks chintu..


Kabir in my life...

When I hear the word Kabir, what comes to my mind are the innumerable faces, that I have connected to as a human being in the past 2 years. Kabir was there in my life as a thought..as a voice of wisdom through the words of my mother. But the past few months Kabir has become a part of my family and my existence. Every moment we are humming the songs, thinking about his dohas,connecting it to our experiences, our lives. Kabir lives for us in the voice of innumerable folk singers and we thank Kabir Project for connecting us and bringing Kabir in our lives.
For me on a personal intimate level, as a human being, I have connected to him as a weaver. Kabir became alive to me when I read that he was a weaver. Weaver of cloth and the weaver of words.
A weaver who has woven the most beautiful cloth to wrap ourselves up in times of pain, confusion, loneliness, conflict and anger. A cloth woven to wrap around us in this journey of our life.
Weaving as a process is something that you can do only if you are alert and in the present state. And, in the process, all thoughts cease to exists. This is what I experienced when I started weaving and I connected to the words of Kabir more so because of this process.

While reading the book ' The Weaver Poet' written by Jaya Madhavan, I felt I was reliving the life along side kabir. It is so beautifully woven and the words so appropriate, I didn't want to keep the book down unless I had finished it.

On a lighter note, my life in the past few years( that is after I moved out of my parents home) has some connection with the alphabet-K. My first job was in a place called Kaprada( south gujarat), the second one was at Kaigal ( andhra pradesh), the third project I worked with was located at Kanyakumari. Also, my life has been greatly influenced by the words of Krishnamurthy and yes of course Kabir.
How else can I see all this but as a beautiful pattern emerging in my life.
So watching my life..floating through it, wrapped in a cloth woven with words of Kabir and Krishnamurthy.

Nikita

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Thinking again...

Have been looking at myself in the light of the great writings of people like Gandhi, J.Krishnamurthi,Kabir and have been seeing the meaning when they all said that it begins here within you.
And it was beautifully described by Shabnam Virmani today in her interview in The Hindu-"If these songs of love and compassion do not translate into who one votes for, or the kind of religious politics one believes in, it doesn't make much sense to Shabnam. “That's what I hope will happen. But this journey in which I had hoped to condemn others, has revealed to me the fissures in my own mind, the violence and the dishonesties I was capable of as I construct and defend my ego."

I keep telling my husband and my friends how incapable i find myself when i have to describe what i am feeling at that moment and i feel nice when i can resonate in other people's voices like Shabnam's.But again there is this feeling of why the need to express..I feel that's what Gandhi, J.K. and Kabir are trying to tell..its a journey for every individual..an inner work that has to happen constantly..to look into ourselves..not judge ourselves( which i do most of the time) and feel miserable..but to be gentle on our selves for having all the mind games we are observing all the games of our ego and just accept it..its the most difficult because you want to be perfect..good in our own eyes and when i see the thoughts and feeling which are not pleasant i do go through a turmoil..how can i be like this..but we forget that that is what we are..and accepting it is the only thing that we can do..no improving or getting better because the moment we see it..it drops off.
While writing this at the back of my mind the thought is still there" m i making sense" :)
but i am at least to myself at this moment and that's what i am going to leave it at..no trying to capture it..no trying to make sense..logic..
and its my understanding that this is what J.K. and Kabir said about this moment and being here and now.

living with that for now..
lots of love for myself and for people around me..:)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

No tommorow....

What does it feel to you everyday?
What does it mean to you everyday?
Does it make sense that you are alive,
Or is it that you drag yourself for one more day?
one more of those days and tomorrow it will be the day?

Does it make sense that today you are here...
Tomorrow you may not be...
Or is it always the other...
The one far away who is gonna go?

I will be here to do this..
I will be here to do that..
but do you ever really question
That will i be here?

I do.. and it makes me feel lost..
I do.. and it makes everything meaningless..
but that is for a little while...just a little,
and then comes the realization that i am here..now,
and this is all that i have..
so what do i feel everyday?
so what does it mean to me everyday?
It makes me do everything with the best that i have..
it makes me feel everything as if i have never another chance..
there is no waiting for the right time..for me this is the time...
I do not plan and do not feel what for next ten years..
But now here i am and i want to do this and do it with the best that i have to give it..it feels amazing..:)

The Wedding

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I attended a friends wedding in the morning. Vivek is a south-indian and Bhakti a punjabi. It was amazing to see how relatives from the boy's side and girl's were trying to grapple with the unknown rituals.... what next?.. how to do? etc.. but there were smiles everywhere..the atmosphere was something very different it reminded me of the book written by chetan bhagat Two States.I personally was feeling very proud and i told ram..its a victory. He looked at me quizzically..and i explained that here was another couple who's love has conquered and gained victory over the stupid society rules, caste, etc... and that i am feeling very happy about it.

The day i received their wedding invitation i went back to the days when I and Ram were running around arranging for our wedding. We booked the venue, arranged for the bus for people to reach the venue,printed our wedding cards, ran around inviting everybody( that too together)..what fun we had when we saw the faces of few of our friends when we went to invite them.When i look back sometimes i feel that we should have let our parents do things.. because both of us were dead tired when we actually sat in the mantap, but we also feel very proud and relieved that we didn't let small issues become big because we both were taking decisions.It is a story both of us keep narrating to the new people who enter our lives..not to tell them what unique thing we did but to convey that it is difficult but not impossible for people from different backgrounds and religions, caste, language to marry..and we are an example..and yes my friend Vivek and Bhakti also..
Lots of love to you guys...hope in the light of the honor killing's happening in some places..your wedding be an hope and example for lovers across the country.

Friday, July 2, 2010

I have been thinking of the difference between water
and the waves on it. Rising,
water's still water, falling back,
it is water, will you give me a hint
how to tell them apart?

Because someone has made up the word
'wave,' do I have to distinguish it
from water?

There is a Secret One inside us;
the planets in all the galaxies
pass through his hands like beads.

That is a string of beads one should look at with luminous eyes.

Kabir

This is what kabir's waves do to me....

Waves and My Hearts Caves
At the shore i hear the sound of waves,
It makes me go to my hearts deepest caves,
It makes me wonder and ponder,
It makes me ask, what am i here for?
Am i here for others?
Or am i here to fly with beautiful feathers?
Am i here to fight?
Or am i here to do what is right?
I look at the sea and wonder again,
Going back to my hearts deepest caves again.

Nikita
It is so important to forget ourselves..even for a moment if we are able to do it..it gives immense happiness.
Like yesterday me an ram were discussing about what is this 'our' or 'my' that we keep referring to. is there really something that we were born with??
NO..then why are we talking about things as our or my??Isn't everything that we have today because of other people in our lives..like our parents..teachers and friends??
Can we forget about mine n yours for a few moments..

If that happens And if for a moment this 'I' dissolves..vanishes..there is a sense of connection with everything around us..people..leaves..ants..stones..soil..you feel like one with an energy that is there around..
There is no division..there is no 'mine' n 'yours'.there is only a silence n peace within.if you feel that you wouldn't feel like talking at all for a long period.you would want to stay there..

After a while everything around comes alive..everything is much more clearer than before..the clarity is like that of an early morning sunlight..pristine..bright..
have you felt like this ever??if not then begin and explore..get time to surpass the time zone.
Throw away your watch so that you can find your own rhythm..one that is within..
rhythm of your breath..rhythm of your heartbeat..rhythm of the wind blowing..rhythm of the leaves..rhythm of the birds wings flapping..rhythm of the silence..the gaps between the sounds..
Every moment sparkles...like a bright star shining when you feel this rhythm within.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The chance given to us....

Chances are that you would feel very strongly that feeling which you cannot express
Chances are that you would be hearing something that you can't play
Chances are that you would see something that you wouldn't be able to display

It isn't about expressing..it is about feeling..seeing..understanding just for yourself..
Because..
Chances are that you won't be here the next moment to feel, hear, see, these things....

a new life...a new beginning...

Its been again a big gap and a very traumatic one too,
Its been a phase of sadness and happiness too,
But why have i come back,
Is it to go back to what i know
Is it to go forward to what i don't know....

Wondering what it means for me..
To eat n sleep
To laugh n cry

Wondering sometimes whether it is true,
The breath that i am breathing or
The life that am living...

Wondering about the people..
Are they really here or
Are they what they seem to be..

Wondering what it means to be this "human"
Is it to feel within or
Is it to be seen by others

Wondering everyday every moment that i live
Why am i here?
And why is someone not...
Am i living for real or an illusion??

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Coming back...

After a long gap i am writing and feel like writing..i feel connected, not to others but somewhere with myself. Being pregnant brings in so many unusual experiences and responsibilities. and the best thing that happened to me was i for hte first time connected to my body my thoughts my feeling so strongly...wow!!
And then of course was this fabulous journey that i am having through the Kabir songs and satsang.
i was very bitter inside(about people,situations,etc..) and the moment i accepted that/realized that it just vanished...there was within me a very peaceful calmness....i still do have my questions and moments of turmoil but it doesn't lead me to become bitter or frustrated. i am able to look at it ,sometimes laugh at it, sometimes just let it be there..the feeling..the turmoil and it helps..
there are days when am singing Kabir songs and am not even reflecting or thinking about what am singing..and there are days when just one stanza gets stuck in my mind and i keep repeating it and it just feels very different..so may thoughts and turmoils because of that one stanza, for instace yesterday i kept saying' mat kar Maya ko ahankar.mat kar kaya ko abhimaan ..kaya dhul ho jaasi...jaise oos ra moti...'
its so beautiful... but u must listen to the whole song to understand..its amazing...

another favourite is
'thara rang mahal mein'

well...a lovely journey thats happening.n will keep sharing about it here...
For now my Baby is demanding for food..so have to go...

love..