Shabad pehechano hansa bhav se
Aani na mare toh dhar hansa bhaila ho ji..
....Kabir
I was reminded of this song yesterday at TheValley School satsang when Satish Inamdar hinted to all of us sitting there that words can become traps and that to 'Charcha' ( dialog) can lead us into traps..but i felt the other way..i wanted to discuss , have a dialog.and the mentioned song was recalled because it talks about understand the meaning of the words 'shabad pehechano' from a love space- 'Bhav se'. If we look at this song of kabir ..that in itself tells us a lot about life.. and if these word weren't there where would we be. Isn't kabir also discussing with us through songs??? I wondered...
I wrote this above paragraph last year and left it as a draft. Didn't know that after almost a year this writing would resonate so much within. I was living in Bangalore for 6 years , working with children and doing crafts with them.Last year November 2012, I joined a farming community called Marudam Farm School, located near a small town Thiruvanamalai, Tamil Nadu. I joined as a teacher and am living there learning about farming, building mud sturctures, learning about birds, trees, animals, etc. Its been 6 months now and presently I am on break for a month.
I set out of the campus on 15th April 2013 for a month to travel and take a break.I traveled from Thiruvanamalai to Bangalore and from Bangalore to Vadodara, Gujarat. I was visiting my parents. I had started my travel with one thing that i wanted to do. i wanted to visit Gandhi ashram and volunteer for a day at the Seva Cafe, Ahmadabad, Gujarat. I arrived after 30 hours bus journey and rested for next 12 hours. As soon as I was refreshed I went online to check how to register for 1 day volunteering at Seva Cafe. And i came across their website: www.moved by love.org, and i started reading every page and word on it. I came across their retreat and on an impulse registered for it. Siddharth, one of the organisers, got back immediately and said that i will have to wait for 2 days for confirmation. I started praying and waiting for their call/ mail. I hadn't planned but something inside me wanted to go and Siddharth got back the very next day confirming my participation. I was super thrilled. I didn't know what the retreat was about but just the title, ' Moved by Love' was enough. The retreat was for 3 days and we were suppose to be picked up at Gandhi ashram to go to the actual venue on the outskirts of the city, Sughad.
And then the next 3 days, 72 hours were full of love, trust, acceptance and respect. I was amongst people ready to give, gift, love and accept me as i am.The three days were named Head , Hands and Heart.I was looking forward to the Head day, because i being very hands person, i thought this would help me break some thought processes and stuff. What a shock I had that day. The day started and went on and at the end of the day we all went for supper. I went in, uncomfortable. Jayeshbhai, Siddharth, Nimeshbhai, Pratyush, Lahar, Shital, Khushmita, and others had lit candles and kept our plates ready to be served. We were all going to sit and eat together and they were going to serve us. I sat next to Pratyush's mom and I couldn't eat, I started crying. I couldn't understand what was happening. I tried drinking water, tried eating again, I didn't want to upset them. It was such a loving ambience. And then I realized, that was what was moving me to tears. I realized I had not had such supper with my own family for past ten years. I would come every year with plans to relax with my family and end up frustrated ( my Dad is an epileptic and my sister is diagnosed with depression after her divorce) and I wouldn't understand,why?? There sitting in Sughad, being served food with so much love opened up my heart and my tears wouldn't stop. I also needed that care and love, someone who would serve me food. I was not ready to see this in myself. I have always tried to help others but taking the same has been difficult. That supper time revealed so much and lead to such deep understanding of myself.
It healed me and filled me with joy and love.I was humbled and grateful to life for this experience.
Next day was Hands day, my day I thought. I was super excited and we did amazing work with our hands and then in the afternoon we had a talk by Sonal Shah. It just lead to such a great thought process within me. It helped me understand the work that we are doing at my new home in the farm community. My Hand day had become Head day.
After that we all went to Safai Vidyalaya, Gandhi Ashram and Seva Cafe. An evening where we all sought each others company to share, listen and learn from each others experience and ended it with music. Listening to people's experiences, my head had only one song playing, 'Avi avi sen batayi mhare satguru' means ' My guru gives me a sign in so many different ways' a song by Sant Kabir, mystic poet of 16th century. A sign that the path I have chosen is the true path, a sign that this is where is my heart, sign to be open and vulnerable, sign to be open to learn.
For me my guru is every person I meet and I observe, talk or just spent time listening to them.
I got up the next day and started writing and this is what my heart, head and hands were telling me:
Go by what your heart says, listening to your heart does not necessarily mean 'always happy and success ', but it means peace and life full of love and gratefulness. When listening to your heart and doing what it says, there is a possibility that you may stumble and fall, but if you are open and honest about it, you will get the strength to get up and find out why did you stumble, what happened?..the heart will know.
( my mind wandered off a litlle bit and then wondered about what I was wriitng and after few minutes surrendered)
'What the heart knows today, the mind will know tommorow'. Thats what just happened to me, isn't it???( I was writting again in my diary) and may be it will never know or understand the ways of the heart. We have to be open to that too. It is about being comfortable about the unknown. To be able to flow with whatever life sends to you and it requires great amount of trust and the feeling of being loved and also loving others. The idea/ thought that ' whatever happens happens for good, the ' Jivan Saar' that we read yesterday, requires a great deal of wrestling between the head, heart and also the hands. When I have this wrestling match happening between my head and heart, I take time and sit and work with my hands( cleaning, sweeping, sketching,weaving, knotting). It helps, it gives me an inner space for intuitive wisdom/understanding to come up. This isn't about an hour or a day, sometimes its for many days. It depends on what the wrestling match is about. Here the principle of discipline to sit and work, to keep up our daily routine and letting the head, heart and hands lead you, helps.
I have always done this, haven't I?? and struggled and listened to my heart and takes leaps of faith and I don't think I have regretted it one bit. Sometimes it is challenging to explain to others about your decisions, 'why I do things the way I do...' and I get questions like, ' How can you be so vulnerable?' This word ' Vulnerable' has been thrown at me so many times and there were times when I went through a turmoil, questioning my decisions of my heart; 'Am I right, is this the way to go about??' Others don't seem to be doing that.. should I do that?? Off late I have been questioning myself a lot. I have began to think 'logically' and inside me am restless all the time. I have been thinking and rethinking lot of things. What is happening, I don't know..( I was watching myself, reflecting on my life).
But coming here to the retreat is a blessing. Gandhiji and his experiments with truth, all these people around me going through the same things as I do and wanting more people to join this and live like this, has given me peace within. Just meeting all these people tells me( its a sign!!!) that I am fine, its okay to be vulnerable, open, trusting and loving people around. Each day has given me a gift that i didn't know I needed. That's what a Gift is. Isn't it??( I am smiling).
I shared the above writing with the group and then I also shared this Bengali song ' Pagol Chada Duniya Cholena', which means,' My world would stop if I leave my madness'.
I used to sing it to myself whenever I felt alone and I would be thinking about all of them whenever I sing it to myself. In this world to love without expectation, to be vulnerable, to listen to your heart is madness. And we all need this madness. This retreat was 'A SIGN' sent to me by life ( my guru had given me a sign).:)
Aani na mare toh dhar hansa bhaila ho ji..
....Kabir
I was reminded of this song yesterday at TheValley School satsang when Satish Inamdar hinted to all of us sitting there that words can become traps and that to 'Charcha' ( dialog) can lead us into traps..but i felt the other way..i wanted to discuss , have a dialog.and the mentioned song was recalled because it talks about understand the meaning of the words 'shabad pehechano' from a love space- 'Bhav se'. If we look at this song of kabir ..that in itself tells us a lot about life.. and if these word weren't there where would we be. Isn't kabir also discussing with us through songs??? I wondered...
I wrote this above paragraph last year and left it as a draft. Didn't know that after almost a year this writing would resonate so much within. I was living in Bangalore for 6 years , working with children and doing crafts with them.Last year November 2012, I joined a farming community called Marudam Farm School, located near a small town Thiruvanamalai, Tamil Nadu. I joined as a teacher and am living there learning about farming, building mud sturctures, learning about birds, trees, animals, etc. Its been 6 months now and presently I am on break for a month.
I set out of the campus on 15th April 2013 for a month to travel and take a break.I traveled from Thiruvanamalai to Bangalore and from Bangalore to Vadodara, Gujarat. I was visiting my parents. I had started my travel with one thing that i wanted to do. i wanted to visit Gandhi ashram and volunteer for a day at the Seva Cafe, Ahmadabad, Gujarat. I arrived after 30 hours bus journey and rested for next 12 hours. As soon as I was refreshed I went online to check how to register for 1 day volunteering at Seva Cafe. And i came across their website: www.moved by love.org, and i started reading every page and word on it. I came across their retreat and on an impulse registered for it. Siddharth, one of the organisers, got back immediately and said that i will have to wait for 2 days for confirmation. I started praying and waiting for their call/ mail. I hadn't planned but something inside me wanted to go and Siddharth got back the very next day confirming my participation. I was super thrilled. I didn't know what the retreat was about but just the title, ' Moved by Love' was enough. The retreat was for 3 days and we were suppose to be picked up at Gandhi ashram to go to the actual venue on the outskirts of the city, Sughad.
And then the next 3 days, 72 hours were full of love, trust, acceptance and respect. I was amongst people ready to give, gift, love and accept me as i am.The three days were named Head , Hands and Heart.I was looking forward to the Head day, because i being very hands person, i thought this would help me break some thought processes and stuff. What a shock I had that day. The day started and went on and at the end of the day we all went for supper. I went in, uncomfortable. Jayeshbhai, Siddharth, Nimeshbhai, Pratyush, Lahar, Shital, Khushmita, and others had lit candles and kept our plates ready to be served. We were all going to sit and eat together and they were going to serve us. I sat next to Pratyush's mom and I couldn't eat, I started crying. I couldn't understand what was happening. I tried drinking water, tried eating again, I didn't want to upset them. It was such a loving ambience. And then I realized, that was what was moving me to tears. I realized I had not had such supper with my own family for past ten years. I would come every year with plans to relax with my family and end up frustrated ( my Dad is an epileptic and my sister is diagnosed with depression after her divorce) and I wouldn't understand,why?? There sitting in Sughad, being served food with so much love opened up my heart and my tears wouldn't stop. I also needed that care and love, someone who would serve me food. I was not ready to see this in myself. I have always tried to help others but taking the same has been difficult. That supper time revealed so much and lead to such deep understanding of myself.
It healed me and filled me with joy and love.I was humbled and grateful to life for this experience.
Next day was Hands day, my day I thought. I was super excited and we did amazing work with our hands and then in the afternoon we had a talk by Sonal Shah. It just lead to such a great thought process within me. It helped me understand the work that we are doing at my new home in the farm community. My Hand day had become Head day.
After that we all went to Safai Vidyalaya, Gandhi Ashram and Seva Cafe. An evening where we all sought each others company to share, listen and learn from each others experience and ended it with music. Listening to people's experiences, my head had only one song playing, 'Avi avi sen batayi mhare satguru' means ' My guru gives me a sign in so many different ways' a song by Sant Kabir, mystic poet of 16th century. A sign that the path I have chosen is the true path, a sign that this is where is my heart, sign to be open and vulnerable, sign to be open to learn.
For me my guru is every person I meet and I observe, talk or just spent time listening to them.
I got up the next day and started writing and this is what my heart, head and hands were telling me:
Go by what your heart says, listening to your heart does not necessarily mean 'always happy and success ', but it means peace and life full of love and gratefulness. When listening to your heart and doing what it says, there is a possibility that you may stumble and fall, but if you are open and honest about it, you will get the strength to get up and find out why did you stumble, what happened?..the heart will know.
( my mind wandered off a litlle bit and then wondered about what I was wriitng and after few minutes surrendered)
'What the heart knows today, the mind will know tommorow'. Thats what just happened to me, isn't it???( I was writting again in my diary) and may be it will never know or understand the ways of the heart. We have to be open to that too. It is about being comfortable about the unknown. To be able to flow with whatever life sends to you and it requires great amount of trust and the feeling of being loved and also loving others. The idea/ thought that ' whatever happens happens for good, the ' Jivan Saar' that we read yesterday, requires a great deal of wrestling between the head, heart and also the hands. When I have this wrestling match happening between my head and heart, I take time and sit and work with my hands( cleaning, sweeping, sketching,weaving, knotting). It helps, it gives me an inner space for intuitive wisdom/understanding to come up. This isn't about an hour or a day, sometimes its for many days. It depends on what the wrestling match is about. Here the principle of discipline to sit and work, to keep up our daily routine and letting the head, heart and hands lead you, helps.
I have always done this, haven't I?? and struggled and listened to my heart and takes leaps of faith and I don't think I have regretted it one bit. Sometimes it is challenging to explain to others about your decisions, 'why I do things the way I do...' and I get questions like, ' How can you be so vulnerable?' This word ' Vulnerable' has been thrown at me so many times and there were times when I went through a turmoil, questioning my decisions of my heart; 'Am I right, is this the way to go about??' Others don't seem to be doing that.. should I do that?? Off late I have been questioning myself a lot. I have began to think 'logically' and inside me am restless all the time. I have been thinking and rethinking lot of things. What is happening, I don't know..( I was watching myself, reflecting on my life).
But coming here to the retreat is a blessing. Gandhiji and his experiments with truth, all these people around me going through the same things as I do and wanting more people to join this and live like this, has given me peace within. Just meeting all these people tells me( its a sign!!!) that I am fine, its okay to be vulnerable, open, trusting and loving people around. Each day has given me a gift that i didn't know I needed. That's what a Gift is. Isn't it??( I am smiling).
I shared the above writing with the group and then I also shared this Bengali song ' Pagol Chada Duniya Cholena', which means,' My world would stop if I leave my madness'.
