this was something that i always did...writing..
but now it seems like an alien thing to do. i had to pester myslef to creat this blog and then start writing.but now itfeels nice. may be earlier there was this motivation that someone would read and i'd find somebody to live my life with. but now am married. and i know he will not have time to go through my blog.but was that the only reson that i was writing. no........
i think...i was feeling lot of things..now everything seems so distant..different. there is a hesitation before i express because i don't know if i am actually feeling it. its like a dream when i read my poems and my diaries.i feel kind of lost.
with no intellectual stimulation aroun anybody would feel what i am feeling.
not being understood not being recognised.not getting phone calls for days. calling but being cut out.
did i trade off my life for being what i am or i didnt see it coming? i keep telling myself it will change..but what will change? me or my perspective or some body else?
why am i waiting longing for something all the time?is it lack of people in my life or a shallowness in my thinking?
i don't know but if you do i'd love to know.
1 comment:
I just felt that there was some similarity in the thoughts you were feeling to what I was feeling a couple of years back. With no interest in mere gratification but with some interest in putting forth my thoughts to you, i wish to add some comments.
From the few posts you have mentioned and from the name, it seems that you think about things happening to you and around you and not leave things pass by without contemplating about its beauty or sadness. Its a trait well appreciated by us but not by all people around us. Hence there is a vacuum in our relationships that sucks our energy and makes us less worthy of our existence. The need for intellectual stimulation is a reflection of the constant need for thoughts to be reflected by thoughts of a similar kind or engaging. The absence of it keeps the mind in a state of emptiness. Keep faith and determination in your need to understand the world around you and do not become like the other persion invalidating one's own questions and enquiry. Keep enquiry within yourself and do not let it be exposed to people who do not seek to think on the same wavelength as you. Find opportunities to reflect these questions to the larger world, maybe through writing and through work that requires such engagement. You might feel lonely and cutoff from the rest of the world and that's a fact one has to live with as the world is such. Fighting with the world is more energy consuming than living with the world, co-existing with shallowness and pettiness. May the opportunities of existence lead you to greater depths in thinking and living wholesomely.
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