My Sahaj Self.......???.....!!!.....:)

'So he was quite aware of the fact that he is supposed to belong to a "kameena jaat". He always claimed to be a humble person, and with this humility, he also claimed to be a person who dared to question. This is true of any one of us. Only if we allow our real, to use the Kabir-ian expression, if we allow our sahaj self to speak out. Sahaj literally means something, which is given to you at your birth, and you do not allow it to speak out and that is why this question becomes pertinent.'
Prof. Purushottam Agarwal

When i read this it made me stop for a while and look at what was happening within me. There is so much of struggle to be something and keep doing something that i am not letting this sahaj self to speak. There is so much of turmoil and need of assurance that we do not let go and let life do what it has to. I see a lack of trust and escapism from understanding one's swabhav. The need to run away from what I believe is  to meditate ( adhyaatma). And I see it , feel it, and then again get caught up in the running. 
And then i go back , listen to Kabir or read Krishnamurti or Gandhi or an article or write up by someone, I pause and see my swabhav. It is essential for us to be in the satsang to be able to watch our swabhav and that is probably what means adhyaatma. To be able to study oneself every moment through sat sang. To do it every moment( which is so difficult) because every moment our mind , our desires and expectations and need to control everything around us is standing up. and that's when satsang( of singing, of reading and listening to people ) becomes necessary.
And yes, just for a fraction of moment i realize that when there is adhyaatma there is no fragmentation of mind and division of everything that is around us. We begin to see the whole and I think that's what kabir is talking to me. I do not need kabir to stand up and talk if there is injustice( social, political or personal) , I become Kabir, I become Gandhi and I become the change.There is no social , or political, there is no division. And when this happens there is love. Love that does not divide. That which makes us one within and one with the cosmos.
main laga use ek se...
sab mera main saban ka, wahan doosra nahin..... 
And then whether you utter ram, kabir, or just speak , what comes is the nirgun,  ram , rahim, keshav, the sahaj self. Your true self, one who speaks to you every moment. Only when you are true to yourself and let the sahaj speak , can you feel the flow of love within.

aap mukh base kabir
kabir mukh base woh
aap chindho hame kabir ki aor
kabir chindhe hame uski aor
prem dagar par chalat chalat
baat aaye ek hi samaj
jis dil base prem vani 
use dil ki aor aave woh chitchor.


May be that's what Kabir means when he says:
"Kabir man nirmal bhaya, jaise Ganga neer.
Peechhey laga Hari phire, kahat Kabir Kabir".


:) niki

Kabir the Weaver Poet- Jaya Madhavan

Kabir in my life...

When I hear the word Kabir, what comes to my mind are the innumerable faces, that I have connected to as a human being in the past 2 years. Kabir was there in my life as a thought..as a voice of wisdom through the words of my mother. But the past few months Kabir has become a part of my family and my existence. Every moment we are humming the songs, thinking about his dohas,connecting it to our experiences, our lives. Kabir lives for us in the voice of innumerable folk singers.
Kabir became alive to me when I read that he was a weaver.A weaver who has woven the most beautiful cloth to wrap ourselves up in times of pain, confusion, loneliness, conflict and anger. A cloth woven to wrap around us in this journey of our life.
While reading the book ' Kabir the Weaver Poet' written by Jaya Madhavan, I felt I was reliving the life along side Kabir. It is so beautifully woven and the words are so appropriate. The way she has woven her words to lead us in the one day of Kabir's life, what comes out very strongly is the calmness and stillness of Kabir's mind. The way he goes about doing his work , meeting people and then when he speaks it is nothing but the truth. The circumstances make dhaga also speak the words of Kabir but it is more to point out to others, whereas when Kabir speaks it is nothing but truth.
I have connected personnaly to Kabir as a weaver. Weaver of cloth and the weaver of words.Weaving as a process is something that you can do only if you are alert and in the present state. And, in the process, all thoughts cease to exists. this reminds me of my favourite conversation in the book, the conversation between Kamali ( the acrobat) and Kabir. The author has very beautifully brought out a very important aspect of cessation of thoughts, of past, of future and everything around, which leads us to understanding of what is the truth. The acrobat does not think of anything whens she is on that tight rope high up in the air. The only thing for her is the rope( that too not the end of the rope) but the rope that exists there at that moment in front of her. She gives herself completely and that is what Kabir says is for him, giving himself completely to the GOD and then nothing matters, relations,material world, death nothing.For him it is being one with oneself at this moment...and the author has brought that out beautifully throughout the book.

I am unable to see Jaya as the author, I feel its Kabir talking to us throughout the book.That's what is remarkable about the book. It is a must read.
Thank you Jaya for this wonderful gem.

Nikita.

Shedding the skin

The snake is in a very vulnerable state when it is going through the process of shedding its skin..It knows that if a predator finds it, then there is no escape from the clutches of death.You might be wondering what am i gonna say and where am i going with this.
The thing is that i never gave much thought to it till my husband told me this when i was in a very vulnerable state.A state where i am shedding lot of my assumptions..my mental baggage's n i am in a state where sometimes i don't know what i am feeling and how to respond to other people..n yes i am being misinterpreted..misunderstood and i was feeling very frustrated about this and it's in this contact that my husband told me about the shedding of skin by the snake.
And that's how nature work's and in life if you want to grow as a human being you have to take the risks like the snake ..being aware of it and still going through it..
It's a different thing to do something without the knowledge of the risks..but a totally different thing to be aware of it and then take it through...
And for me its about becoming aware that, yes, i am vulnerable at this moment when i am going through some major turmoils..and changes..and to take life as it comes..take things lightly...not to be harsh on myself and others around me...[ i don't know if the snake thinks all this :)..]..but i try to be aware of this..thanks ram..

Give it thought...if you too are feeling the same...

Work with Hands..

Its been a while since I have started weaving..
It all started when I attended a conference in Bangalore in the year 2006. The conference was hosted by a school called Center for Learning( CFL)and the conference was on 'Educating for a sane society'. I wonder whether they could come up with something or not after the conference..but..I had definitely become more sane so to say.
And the whole thing is that I started doing things with my hands.. I haven't like become potter..weaver..but have done few things which I keep doing by taking workshops for children..n every time, we( that is me n children) make something new..:)
Few things that I have been doing are ..
News paper weaving
News paper collage
News paper beads
Palm weaving- birds,fish,start,braids,boxes,cubes
Thread work-braids,knots,figures from thread..thread coiling

If you wants me to come n share what I have learned with yourself or the kids around you..call me..I'd love to..but I prefer having only 5-7 children at one time...
Also if you know someone in Bangalore who can teach me more..please do tell me..I have been doing weaving on a small board but I'd love to learn weaving on a real loom...
so do tell me..

A New Beginning....

Last Friday,10th December 2010,I attended an art education conference at NGMA,Bangalore. Hosted by Goethe-Institute/Max Mueller Bhavan and India Foundation for the Arts (IFA).

The conference was for 2 days and had amazing speakers from all over the country.Most of them were artists who have ventured into the field of education conducting workshops for children,teenagers, students, parents and teachers of course.the discussions ranged from what is art education to how can it be brought into the school system to how schools systems are a hindrance to learning and art education should lead to a kind of learning which will lead to critical thinking and bring changes in the existing system of education.
Personally for me, the Presentation by Mrs.Deborah from Dakshinachitra, Chennai, had the greatest impact.
There were two chain of thoughts that started for me after the conference.
First, whether we are talking about art education as an experience to bringing sensitivity within the child and adult or just another subject( activity based) in the existing system.
Second, If art education meant finding a new perspective/ method/ approach to learning all the existing subjects through the incorporation of studying one particular art form.

For me the first point lead to further questions and explorations such as:
If we are looking at getting art education as an experience to sensitize then how are we going to incorporate it in all schools. Because the Kali- Kalisu training was only for maximum of 15 days. And it is impossible for teachers who have never worked with materials to become sensitive to the way arts experience should be for the children in such short period of time.
And if we are looking at it as another subject then i feel it would become another activity and the deeper feel for the material ,the understanding of it as something that is necessary for a holistic development of a child is lost.

Second point about looking at incorporating arts education that leads to another whole different way of learning in the school. I was mulling over this and the following week I visited a school run by an NGO Parikrama in Jaynagar. We had beautiful interaction with the kids and the founder person Shukla Bose. In our interaction she mentioned about Heritage education for her schools and that she is looking at a complete education which leads on to/ opens up newer careers, giveS the children a choice to pursue their passion as well as have a career if they choose arts.

After this interaction my mind just went into a whirlpool of questions and all that i was thinking about in past few days started looking very different for me.I started reading about what is heritage study, what does it all comprise of, surfed the net and
having a feel for crafts and weaving , my mind went on a frenzy to find out if i personally could learn or do some study which will help me gain experience about some components of arts education(which for me includes visual arts, performing arts, and lots more..) and not just that but the traditional and contemporary and then the cultural aspect, social structure, economics of a particular art..etc..
I felt there can be a whole new curriculum for children, for all the different age groups and it would not only teach them about that particular art form but also other things such as, the materials( which has study of science) buying the materials( economics- maths), and the study of the people practicing the art or craft ( social study)..the sky is the limit....
Presently thanks to a good frnd I am studying a concept note on heritage crafts in school curriculum by NCERT...doing my own study.

I have thought about talking to a few senior artists I know and take their advice about how I should pursue this further. I am passionate about working with children and connecting them with the craft community. Hence am thinking of doing a personal project for next year, where :
I study about the various aspects of heritage craft
Collect books and articles about different craft communities
Collect films/ documentaries or make new ones on atleast 5 craft communities
Learn different crafts on my own and document my process

I know that lots has been already done by lots of people ..i just want to explore and get it all together.
considering the vastness of areas of study within heritage crafts..for now have decided to stick to material heritage( that is handcrafts from natural material).But dunno what can happen during the course of study....

That's the new beginning i am talking about...n if anyone of u have suggestions and directions for me..people whom i can meet..anything..please please do write to me.

I am so excited...loved to share it with you..thank you for reading it...

Kabir in my life...

Thanks to a dear friend of mine..i sat down to write about how i felt about kabir and his beautiful words...in my life..thanks chintu..


Kabir in my life...

When I hear the word Kabir, what comes to my mind are the innumerable faces, that I have connected to as a human being in the past 2 years. Kabir was there in my life as a thought..as a voice of wisdom through the words of my mother. But the past few months Kabir has become a part of my family and my existence. Every moment we are humming the songs, thinking about his dohas,connecting it to our experiences, our lives. Kabir lives for us in the voice of innumerable folk singers and we thank Kabir Project for connecting us and bringing Kabir in our lives.
For me on a personal intimate level, as a human being, I have connected to him as a weaver. Kabir became alive to me when I read that he was a weaver. Weaver of cloth and the weaver of words.
A weaver who has woven the most beautiful cloth to wrap ourselves up in times of pain, confusion, loneliness, conflict and anger. A cloth woven to wrap around us in this journey of our life.
Weaving as a process is something that you can do only if you are alert and in the present state. And, in the process, all thoughts cease to exists. This is what I experienced when I started weaving and I connected to the words of Kabir more so because of this process.

While reading the book ' The Weaver Poet' written by Jaya Madhavan, I felt I was reliving the life along side kabir. It is so beautifully woven and the words so appropriate, I didn't want to keep the book down unless I had finished it.

On a lighter note, my life in the past few years( that is after I moved out of my parents home) has some connection with the alphabet-K. My first job was in a place called Kaprada( south gujarat), the second one was at Kaigal ( andhra pradesh), the third project I worked with was located at Kanyakumari. Also, my life has been greatly influenced by the words of Krishnamurthy and yes of course Kabir.
How else can I see all this but as a beautiful pattern emerging in my life.
So watching my life..floating through it, wrapped in a cloth woven with words of Kabir and Krishnamurthy.

Nikita

Thinking again...

Have been looking at myself in the light of the great writings of people like Gandhi, J.Krishnamurthi,Kabir and have been seeing the meaning when they all said that it begins here within you.
And it was beautifully described by Shabnam Virmani today in her interview in The Hindu-"If these songs of love and compassion do not translate into who one votes for, or the kind of religious politics one believes in, it doesn't make much sense to Shabnam. “That's what I hope will happen. But this journey in which I had hoped to condemn others, has revealed to me the fissures in my own mind, the violence and the dishonesties I was capable of as I construct and defend my ego."

I keep telling my husband and my friends how incapable i find myself when i have to describe what i am feeling at that moment and i feel nice when i can resonate in other people's voices like Shabnam's.But again there is this feeling of why the need to express..I feel that's what Gandhi, J.K. and Kabir are trying to tell..its a journey for every individual..an inner work that has to happen constantly..to look into ourselves..not judge ourselves( which i do most of the time) and feel miserable..but to be gentle on our selves for having all the mind games we are observing all the games of our ego and just accept it..its the most difficult because you want to be perfect..good in our own eyes and when i see the thoughts and feeling which are not pleasant i do go through a turmoil..how can i be like this..but we forget that that is what we are..and accepting it is the only thing that we can do..no improving or getting better because the moment we see it..it drops off.
While writing this at the back of my mind the thought is still there" m i making sense" :)
but i am at least to myself at this moment and that's what i am going to leave it at..no trying to capture it..no trying to make sense..logic..
and its my understanding that this is what J.K. and Kabir said about this moment and being here and now.

living with that for now..
lots of love for myself and for people around me..:)