No tommorow....

What does it feel to you everyday?
What does it mean to you everyday?
Does it make sense that you are alive,
Or is it that you drag yourself for one more day?
one more of those days and tomorrow it will be the day?

Does it make sense that today you are here...
Tomorrow you may not be...
Or is it always the other...
The one far away who is gonna go?

I will be here to do this..
I will be here to do that..
but do you ever really question
That will i be here?

I do.. and it makes me feel lost..
I do.. and it makes everything meaningless..
but that is for a little while...just a little,
and then comes the realization that i am here..now,
and this is all that i have..
so what do i feel everyday?
so what does it mean to me everyday?
It makes me do everything with the best that i have..
it makes me feel everything as if i have never another chance..
there is no waiting for the right time..for me this is the time...
I do not plan and do not feel what for next ten years..
But now here i am and i want to do this and do it with the best that i have to give it..it feels amazing..:)

The Wedding

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I attended a friends wedding in the morning. Vivek is a south-indian and Bhakti a punjabi. It was amazing to see how relatives from the boy's side and girl's were trying to grapple with the unknown rituals.... what next?.. how to do? etc.. but there were smiles everywhere..the atmosphere was something very different it reminded me of the book written by chetan bhagat Two States.I personally was feeling very proud and i told ram..its a victory. He looked at me quizzically..and i explained that here was another couple who's love has conquered and gained victory over the stupid society rules, caste, etc... and that i am feeling very happy about it.

The day i received their wedding invitation i went back to the days when I and Ram were running around arranging for our wedding. We booked the venue, arranged for the bus for people to reach the venue,printed our wedding cards, ran around inviting everybody( that too together)..what fun we had when we saw the faces of few of our friends when we went to invite them.When i look back sometimes i feel that we should have let our parents do things.. because both of us were dead tired when we actually sat in the mantap, but we also feel very proud and relieved that we didn't let small issues become big because we both were taking decisions.It is a story both of us keep narrating to the new people who enter our lives..not to tell them what unique thing we did but to convey that it is difficult but not impossible for people from different backgrounds and religions, caste, language to marry..and we are an example..and yes my friend Vivek and Bhakti also..
Lots of love to you guys...hope in the light of the honor killing's happening in some places..your wedding be an hope and example for lovers across the country.

I have been thinking of the difference between water
and the waves on it. Rising,
water's still water, falling back,
it is water, will you give me a hint
how to tell them apart?

Because someone has made up the word
'wave,' do I have to distinguish it
from water?

There is a Secret One inside us;
the planets in all the galaxies
pass through his hands like beads.

That is a string of beads one should look at with luminous eyes.

Kabir

This is what kabir's waves do to me....

Waves and My Hearts Caves
At the shore i hear the sound of waves,
It makes me go to my hearts deepest caves,
It makes me wonder and ponder,
It makes me ask, what am i here for?
Am i here for others?
Or am i here to fly with beautiful feathers?
Am i here to fight?
Or am i here to do what is right?
I look at the sea and wonder again,
Going back to my hearts deepest caves again.

Nikita

It is so important to forget ourselves..even for a moment if we are able to do it..it gives immense happiness.
Like yesterday me an ram were discussing about what is this 'our' or 'my' that we keep referring to. is there really something that we were born with??
NO..then why are we talking about things as our or my??Isn't everything that we have today because of other people in our lives..like our parents..teachers and friends??
Can we forget about mine n yours for a few moments..

If that happens And if for a moment this 'I' dissolves..vanishes..there is a sense of connection with everything around us..people..leaves..ants..stones..soil..you feel like one with an energy that is there around..
There is no division..there is no 'mine' n 'yours'.there is only a silence n peace within.if you feel that you wouldn't feel like talking at all for a long period.you would want to stay there..

After a while everything around comes alive..everything is much more clearer than before..the clarity is like that of an early morning sunlight..pristine..bright..
have you felt like this ever??if not then begin and explore..get time to surpass the time zone.
Throw away your watch so that you can find your own rhythm..one that is within..
rhythm of your breath..rhythm of your heartbeat..rhythm of the wind blowing..rhythm of the leaves..rhythm of the birds wings flapping..rhythm of the silence..the gaps between the sounds..
Every moment sparkles...like a bright star shining when you feel this rhythm within.

The chance given to us....

Chances are that you would feel very strongly that feeling which you cannot express
Chances are that you would be hearing something that you can't play
Chances are that you would see something that you wouldn't be able to display

It isn't about expressing..it is about feeling..seeing..understanding just for yourself..
Because..
Chances are that you won't be here the next moment to feel, hear, see, these things....

a new life...a new beginning...

Its been again a big gap and a very traumatic one too,
Its been a phase of sadness and happiness too,
But why have i come back,
Is it to go back to what i know
Is it to go forward to what i don't know....

Wondering what it means for me..
To eat n sleep
To laugh n cry

Wondering sometimes whether it is true,
The breath that i am breathing or
The life that am living...

Wondering about the people..
Are they really here or
Are they what they seem to be..

Wondering what it means to be this "human"
Is it to feel within or
Is it to be seen by others

Wondering everyday every moment that i live
Why am i here?
And why is someone not...
Am i living for real or an illusion??

Coming back...

After a long gap i am writing and feel like writing..i feel connected, not to others but somewhere with myself. Being pregnant brings in so many unusual experiences and responsibilities. and the best thing that happened to me was i for hte first time connected to my body my thoughts my feeling so strongly...wow!!
And then of course was this fabulous journey that i am having through the Kabir songs and satsang.
i was very bitter inside(about people,situations,etc..) and the moment i accepted that/realized that it just vanished...there was within me a very peaceful calmness....i still do have my questions and moments of turmoil but it doesn't lead me to become bitter or frustrated. i am able to look at it ,sometimes laugh at it, sometimes just let it be there..the feeling..the turmoil and it helps..
there are days when am singing Kabir songs and am not even reflecting or thinking about what am singing..and there are days when just one stanza gets stuck in my mind and i keep repeating it and it just feels very different..so may thoughts and turmoils because of that one stanza, for instace yesterday i kept saying' mat kar Maya ko ahankar.mat kar kaya ko abhimaan ..kaya dhul ho jaasi...jaise oos ra moti...'
its so beautiful... but u must listen to the whole song to understand..its amazing...

another favourite is
'thara rang mahal mein'

well...a lovely journey thats happening.n will keep sharing about it here...
For now my Baby is demanding for food..so have to go...

love..